I think I read the wrong parenting books. What To Expect When You’re Expecting did NOT tell me that I would ever say the following to my 2 boys as they grew from toddlers to teens:
No letting your dinosaur eat a big hole in the window screen.
I don’t care HOW hungry he is!
No sword fighting in the front yard with sharp metal shish-ka-bob skewers.
At least do it in the backyard so a passer-by doesn’t have to come tell me what you are doing!
No hiding on the roof for a game of hide and go seek.
I just thought that was a given! Apparently not.
No throwing little metal balls from some toy at the window.
Windows are made of glass! Glass breaks!
No standing in the toilet and flushing to see if you will spin around.
And why try to deny it when your brother tattles on you and you have soaking wet feet?
No carving your name in the windowsill.
Or after I caught you, carving your brother’s name in the furniture!
No eating bugs.
Is this like a right of passage for preschool boys?
No putting your tongue on cold metal outside in the winter.
I thought that watching “A Christmas Story” would be warning enough. I think it just gave them the idea.