Where’s My Stunt Double?

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I need a stunt double mom. Seriously, actors get stunt doubles to do stuff like fall off buildings and crash cars. That’s nothing compared to the average mommy day. When the kids were little I needed my stunt double to take over in the middle of the night when someone projectile vomited all over their bed. And I really needed her when my 3 year old zipped his ‘you know what’ into his PJ’s zipper.

And how handy a stunt double would be for when “the talk” comes up. You know the one. It actually has 3 phases. Phase 1 is explaining how the baby gets out of mommy’s tummy. Phase 2 is explaining how it got in there. Phase 3 is when kids start to wonder why people would have sex when they’re not trying to make a baby. With 2 boys, I thought I would get to miss out on giving “the talk”. To my dismay, I found myself on the couch trying not to giggle as I used all the correct terminology for male and female parts and explained how they go together and my kids looked astounded and kind of dismayed. My husband stood in the doorway, once in awhile saying, “Listen to your mother.” I could really have used my stunt double that day.

What would you use your stunt double for?

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