The Grumpy Girls’ Cafe


I was recently planning an evening out with girlfriends. Here is a sample of our Facebook conversation:

“Where and when?”

“How about a coffee shop. 7:00?”

“That’s getting a little late for me but a coffee shop sounds good.”

“How about 6:30. Which coffee place?”

“I don’t want one with live music.”

“Yeah, or any loud music at all.”

“And not too many people.”

As you can see from this conversation, we are a group of 40-something year olds who are quite the party animals.

We did settle on a place and as we were drinking our decaf coffee and complaining about the noisy people and annoying blinking lights, we decided we should start out own coffee shop. And so was born the business plan for the Grumpy Girls’ Café:

  1. No loud music. Maybe some Indigo Girls playing quietly in the background.
  2. No dangerous, high swivel stools. Comfortable furniture with proper lumbar support only.
  3. Friendly barista’s who are always happy to see us and know our favorite drink. They must be generous with the compliments. Most importantly, they must never refer to us as “ma’am”. We did consider hiring only young attractive males who give neck massages but decided this could be our next café, “The Pampered Cougar”.
  4. Reading glasses available on each table. Attractive, yet functional, of course.
  5. Hot and cold packs available for sore muscles or hot flashes.
  6. There will be study carrels available, like in college libraries, so people can socialize if they want or be grumpy in their cubicle and drink their coffee in peace if they so choose. And noise-cancelling headphones are always available.
  7. The ladies room will be comfortable with soft lighting and minimal mirrors.
  8. And no children. Let me say that one more time—no children! Dogs are welcome however.
  9. Only comfy pants. If you come dressed up, we will have pajama pants available at the door for you to change into.
  10. Internet available with direct access to IMDb to assist when the conversation is going kind of like this:

“I saw a great movie. It was the one with that guy.”

“What guy?”

“You know, the guy that was in that other movie with that girl.”

“The one with the hair?”

“No, the other one.”

So welcome to the Grumpy Girls’ Café! All grumpy girls (in their late 30s and older) welcome! And by “welcome” we mean, you can come and drink coffee, not that we’ll actually be welcoming.


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